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Manzanita,
2005
1.
THE WAY
I’ve been looking for a way out
of this crazy situation now—
the world in crisis; seems like paradise
was lost and won’t be found
and all of life is endangered
and on the verge of breaking down.
I wake up all fear and dread-locked
by all the things I cannot talk about.
We built our house of cards on ignorance,
a landfill of deceit. The walls are hollow
and we listen, worry what they will secrete.
Woe woe woe woe is we.
We all know they’ve got it fixed
in politico-economics.
We’re junking bonds; we’re dropping
bombs we’ve made by guzzling gasoline.
Public confidence is shaken
like the apple from the tree.
Namu Amida Butsu, gomen.
Forgive me for my trespasses.
I do my best to exist east of Eden,
west of garbagetown, over -accumulated
karma. Armageddon, full meltdown.
Woe woe woe woe is me.
I’ve been looking for a way out
of this crazy situation now—
our world in crisis; seems like paradise
was lost and won’t be found
and both our lives are endangered
and on the verge of breaking down.
Woe woe woe woe is we.
Then the garden gates swing wide,
and we enter paradise.
We are angels; we are good. We open our wings; we’ve
understood
how time and change are fine;
they’re the way. They’re the way.
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2.
WHAT IF WE DO?
We sit in the grass and we talk of our pasts,
a roll call of all our lovers.
A feeling arises we both recognize.
We could fulfill each other.
What if we do?
We each have traveled and come to a rest.
We’re trying to make things happen.
Neither of us know how to measure success.
Hey, we could fall in love and be happy.
What if we do?
All the butterflies rise to the surface.
I say stupid things when I get nervous.
Watch the sunset, forget all the chatter
All the butterflies say it don’t matter.
It’s getting late. We had better head back.
We could stop and get some dinner.
There’s a full moon rising, the stars are aligned.
We could spend the night together.
What if we do?
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3.
MY ROOM IS WHITE
My room is white, the walls
and all my appliances, all compliances.
I live in silence, my windows
closed to traffic, all that racket.
You are the opposite. I could never fit
into your apartment.
Are we going to give up or are we going to try?
Are we going to give up or are we going to try
to learn what life is?
The tide comes in, and we’re caught
by the rocks and the wetness neverendless.
We kiss for the first time, our lips and tongues
tied in fitness, infiniteness.
Then the ocean pulls back somehow,
to reveal a crowd of uncertainty.
Are we going to live up to the words we said?
Are we going to live up to love we made?
A house, a garden, a family tree,
fruit aplenty, all varieties.
Desire fulfilled, inspired until
the awakening from our daydreaming.
Here in reality, what we make believe
we can make happen.
Are we going to give up or are we going to try?
Are we going to live up or are we going to die tonight?
Are we going to give up or are we going to try?
Are we going to give up or are we going to try
to learn what life is?
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4.
CASA NOVA
I can fall in love again.
I can feel the curse you cast is over.
no more no more Casanova.
hip hip hurray, oh hallelujah.
I haven’t changed much in these ten years.
I hit my head up against the wall
of my same ol’ fears, my same ol’ fears,
my same ol’ tears. I’m breaking mirrors.
I know myself again.
I remember what is good about me
if I let it out of hiding,
my enemy, proven to keep me down
love as a memory of kindness
and cruelty and cruelty
and honesty and true beauty.
I can fall in love again.
I can feel the curse I cast is over.
no more no more Casanova.
hip hip hurray, oh Supernova,
Supernova, Supernova. Four-Leaf Clover.
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6.
THE LAST NIGHT OF WINTER
Thanks for your letter. It made me feel better. I was
down,
and it gave me a lift; appeared the Goodyear blimp.
The tree out your window is covered in pink snow.
You put a few blossoms in the envelope. I didn’t
know.
Now on the sidewalk, outside my p.o. box, I’m
a parade.
I’m confetti of fuchsia hearts. We are never really
apart.
You dreamed of me the last night of summer.
You dreamed of me the last night of summer.
You were coming. I was leaving. We met in the harbor
where whaling ships dock. We threw some rocks.
Everyone wanted you. I was not immune to the fever
that overtook the cast and crew. I couldn’t get
to you.
But I had a secret, a torch to give you. I stole an
hour
or two to share the fruit I grew with you.
I dreamed of you the last night of winter.
I dreamed of you the last night of winter.
(Hidden treasure, buried long ago,
of immeasurable gold.
I’m drawing a map, connecting the dots,
fusing the past to the present.)
I must always remember our moments together
and believe in magic. It exists just beneath the surface.
New York City thinks it knows everything. The buildings,
the people threaten to crush your body, your mind, your
soul.
But you keep writing, and I’ll keep writing, and
one day
the story will be told. All our oysters will unfold.
You dreamed of me the last night of summer.
I’ll dream of you the last night of winter.
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5. MUSCLE BONE
& BLOOD
I am a human being.
I’m made of muscle, bone and blood.
I’m full of awful feelings,
self-hatred and mistrust.
I need you now to be here with me.
I cannot reach the light.
I need you now to believe in me.
I’ve been giving up the fight.
I am a selfish monster,
cold-blooded and remote.
My words are flaming daggers.
They send you up in smoke.
I need you now to abandon me.
My heart is in a knot.
I need you now to put your hands on me.
Let’s give it one more shot.
I am a reckless woman.
I always make such a mess.
I follow my intuition
into the vampire’s nest.
I want to change for the better,
clean the slate, be good forever.
I am a human being.
I’m made of muscle, bone and blood.
I’m full of awesome feelings
like unconditional love.
I want you and me together,
faithfully and through all weather. |
7.
LUNA LUNE
Luna Lune, let me see your other side.
One you never show to the world, show to me.
Luna Lune, you are all reflection—
sign, symbol, second nature. Reveal yourself to me.
Luna Lune, luna lune,
lay down and deep with me in silent space.
Here you come and go again.
Here you come and go again away.
Luna Lune, let me see your other side.
One you never show to the world, show to me. |
8.
TONGUE-TIED
Looking for a window into your soul,
if and when I find it, will the blinds be closed?
I drag me up the drainpipe, leap for the fire ladder.
Seventeen stories, and I’m still climbing higher.
Looking for a window into your soul,
if and when I find it, will the blinds be closed?
I went to Samy’s Camera to buy binoculars,
took home a tall telescope ten thousand times power.
Looking for a window into your soul,
if and when I find it, will the blinds be closed?
I set up on a rooftop just across the way.
In the summer, sweat poured. In the winter, it was rain.
Looking for a window into your soul,
if and when I find it, will the blinds be closed?
Looking for a window into your hear,
if and when I find it, will the insides be dark?
Looking for a window into your mind,
if and when I find it, will we both be tongue-tied. |
9.
DEEP AT SEA
I am deep at sea.
I made myself break free
of the anchor keeping me
safe and sound in sanity,
safe inside my old routine.
I am far from land.
I have left in my hand
a few grains of sand,
and I try to understand
the world in all its expanse.
Alone again, I hope to find
a greater kindness, peace of mind,
a faith, a joy in my core.
I leave my love on familiar shores.
I am deep at sea.
The waves roll over me.
Tossed among eternity,
I am as much as everything.
I am good for nothing.
Alone again, I hope to find
a greater kindness, peace of mind,
a faith, a joy in my core.
I head for some unknown shore.
I am deep at sea.
I am swimming. I am free.
A great love envelops me.
I feel a part of something.
This life, it is for living.
The truth is growing stronger.
My youth is getting farther.
I am deep at sea.
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10.
I GAVE YOU MY HOME
I gave you my home.
I gave you my hope.
The walls, they surround us,
unbound us. We are one.
I gave you my heart.
I gave you my art.
All of creation
is here in my kitchen.
Soup is on.
Lover, lover, come on over.
You gave me your home.
You gave me your hope,
built us an altar
of bronze and redwood timber.
The stairs are done.
You gave me your heart.
You gave me your art,
drawings and flowers
and so many hours.
Night has come.
Lover, lover, roll on over.
We woke up from dreams,
took turns at the sink.
We crawl back into bed.
There are eggs for an omelet,
if you’re hungry.
Lover, lover, turn me over.
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